February 12, 2025
Falling in love isn’t just about chemistry — it is chemistry. The brain lights up with dopamine-fueled excitement, driven by a mix of pleasure and stress. But when love crashes, the same circuits that reward us with euphoria flood us with anxiety and physical pain. Erin Rhinehart, professor of biology, is here to answer all your questions about the brain’s connection to love, how it rewires after heartbreak and how triggering fresh waves of dopamine keep love’s reward system firing.
SU: What happens in the brain when someone feels an initial spark of attraction?
ER: In the early stages of love or attraction, dopamine creates feelings of pleasure and desire, while the stress hormone cortisol heightens urgency and focus. The body interprets this new attraction as an important situation, triggering nervous excitement — like a racing heart or jitters — that motivates pursuit. However, this initial spark fades over time as relationships evolve, with oxytocin playing a bigger role in deepening emotional bonds.
SU: What role does the brain’s reward system play in romantic attraction?
ER: The brain’s reward system is crucial in forming romantic relationships. When we experience romantic reward, dopamine is released into the nucleus accumbens, which then sends signals in two directions. One pathway leads to the prefrontal cortex, helping us plan and make decisions about our partner. The other goes to the amygdala, reducing activity related to fear, judgment and negative emotions. This neural suppression explains the saying, “Love is blind,” as it makes us less critical and more trusting of our partner.
SU: Why is romantic attraction often compared to addiction in terms of brain chemistry?
ER: Our brain’s reward system responds to anything we find pleasurable, whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs or love. This system, which doesn’t distinguish between different rewards, reacts with varying intensity. It evolved to reinforce survival behaviors like eating, bonding and reproduction. Romantic love, especially in its early stages, activates the same brain regions as addictive substances, though drugs trigger a much stronger and more persistent response.
SU: What happens in the brain during heartbreak or unrequited love?
ER: Heartbreak activates the same brain regions as physical pain, which is why romantic rejection can feel so intense. The emotional stress triggers cortisol release while lowering dopamine, creating symptoms similar to drug withdrawal. This can lead to intrusive thoughts, trouble focusing, heightened emotions, loss of motivation, anxiety, sleep issues, a weakened immune system and even physical pain. After a breakup, the brain’s reward system remains “in love” for a while, still craving interaction with the lost partner and making it difficult to move on immediately.
SU: How does the brain try to compensate for this “withdrawal”?
ER: In the early stages of a breakup, seeing images of an ex activates the same brain regions as a drug addict experiencing withdrawal. The rational part of the brain (orbitofrontal cortex) tries to suppress these emotional responses, but it’s initially very difficult. The longer the relationship, the more neural connections are tied to the lost partner, meaning the brain must gradually rewire itself to adapt to their absence. This is why breakups — especially after long marriages — can take years to fully heal from.
SU: How can we help our brain maintain long-term attraction?
ER: Oxytocin helps regulate the brain’s reward system, making it easier to reignite excitement in long-term relationships. Since dopamine is released in response to novelty, couples who feel their relationship has lost its “spark” can restore it by trying new and exciting activities together. This can effectively reengage the brain’s reward system and enhance romantic connection.
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